What Are You Feeding Your Soul?

What we repeatedly take in through our thoughts, habits, relationships, and surroundings, quietly shapes who we become. This reflection explores what it means to tend to the soul with the same awareness and intention we bring to tending a fire.

Like many people, I have traveled down more self-help rabbit holes than I care to count.

Say this instead of that. Just do it. Be gentle with yourself. Walk and the weight will come off. Journal every thought, mood, meal, feeling, and experience. And for one who did not like to write that was a nightmare. Follow this routine, change that habit. And let us not forget the phrases “think positively” and “just let it go”.

There are many layers to being human, and there is most definitely not a single approach that works for everyone, in the same way. I believe most people have good intentions when they share something that helped them. However, there are two issues that can arise. The first is unsolicited advice. When someone shares what may be going on with them, this is not, and I repeat, it is not a gateway for us to offer advice, unless they ask for it. The second is when we assume that because it worked for us, it must be the answer for everyone else. And I do not know about you, but I have found myself in both those positions over the years until I began to understand the problems they can create.

There are also plenty of messages created in social media that are simply created to attract attention, gain clicks, or offer quick solutions to experiences that are rarely quick or simple.

For years, my mind understood the basic concept that what we take in affects who we are, how we feel and the quality of the lives we lead. I understood the words and what they meant intellectually. However, the real question I asked myself was, did I understand at the core of my being, what they truly meant? Looking back now, I can honestly say that I had no clue.

Now, in my sixties, I am beginning to understand this differently. Through experience, mistakes, trial and error, and the changes that come along with entering another stage of life. I see more clearly how the things we repeatedly take in become part of who we are and shape the experiences we have.

Remember that old saying, we are what we eat? What also applies is what we say, do, do not do, read, listen to, watch, and tolerate.

We are always feeding ourselves something. We may be feeding fear, resentment, urgency, courage, hope, steadiness, or joy. The question is not whether we are feeding or what we are feeding on. The question is, are we doing so consciously?

That started me thinking what if I could sit down with my younger self, what would I want to share with her?

I would tell her to place herself first on the list of people she cared for. Not in a selfish or egotistical way, but in a way that supports growth, understanding, and compassion. To give those to others we must first start with ourselves. This way we are always giving to others, from a healthy, loving, and caring place. That is free of any attachment or agendas.

I would say to her that it is important to create space to know and love herself. To become her own champion and believe in herself. To follow every dream with encouragement and discover what she wanted to do. And to look at failure though the lens of learning not though the lens of not being good enough.

What would you say to your younger self?

Growing up, we are all surrounded by expectations and rules. We are told how we should behave, how we should respond, what we should want, and who we are supposed to become. Sometimes we get so caught up in what others expect from us that we lose touch with what is happening inside. We began to equate our self-worth with the expectations of others. And the problem with that is when we let them down, we end up feeling worse about ourselves.

We may not notice what we are feeding ourselves because we have become accustomed to consuming whatever is placed in front of us. What we are feeding ourselves is about far more than food. We feed ourselves through the music we listen to, the program we watch, the stories we read, and the conversations we take part in. We feed ourselves through the relationships we stay in and the environments we repeatedly enter. Thought the beliefs we repeat, the habits we practice, and the things we allow to occupy our attention.

What we take in does not always create an immediate or dramatic change. Often, its effect is gradual. Something said often enough can begin to feel norma, even when it is not helping us.

When we speak harshly to ourselves day after day, those words begin to shape how we see ourselves. When we are continually surrounded by anger, cruelty, hopelessness, or resentment, we may start carrying those things without even realizing it. When everything we watch leaves us anxious, agitated, or depleted, our bodies and spirits may continue holding that agitation long after the screen has gone dark.

The same is true in the other direction.

A song that brings genuine joy can shift the energy of a room. A conversation that allows honesty without judgement can remind us that we are not alone. Time spent with people who encourage responsibility, creativity, kindness, and growth can help those qualities strengthen within us.

This does not mean that we surround ourselves only with pleasant things or pretending that pain, injustice, grief, and difficulty do not exist. It also does not mean that we force ourselves to think positively or turn around and blame ourselves when we struggle.

The opportunity that presents itself here is to become more aware of what we are consuming and noticing how it affects us.

When I teach firewalking, whether I am working with fire tenders, training facilitators, or participants getting ready to walk across a fire, what we do is approached with intention.

Like us fire also consumes. It consumes the wood, paper, grass, and materials it takes to build it and the foundation it is built on.

We cannot remove ourselves from the reality that something is being consumed at every moment. What we can do is meet that process with awareness, attention, respect, and gratitude.

Fire responds to what it is fed as we respond to what we are fed. Not everything belongs in the fire. Some materials support a steady, useful flame. Others produce excess smoke, burn too quickly, or disrupt what is already taking shape. Sometimes the fire needs another log and other times it needs more space. When I tend to fire, I simply do not continue throwing things into the flames. I pause, notice, and respond to what is happening, to what the fire is asking for. Perhaps tending to the soul is not so different.

We can continue consuming without thought, allowing more noise, more opinions, and more demands to enter our lives. Or we can give ourselves permission to pause long enough to notice and become aware of what is already burning within us.

What have I been consuming?

What has this created?

What might need less attention?

What might need more care or support?

We do not need to examine or change everything at once. We do not need to create yet another list of ways we are failing or begin an exhausting plan to fix ourselves.

What if we simply meet ourselves exactly where we are?

Perhaps notice what is on the radio while driving. Or how it feels after watching a particular program. Become aware and pay attention to the way we speak to ourselves after making a mistake. Consider how we feel after spending time with certain people or moving through certain online spaces or groups.

Then gently ask:

Does this nourish me?

Does it elevate my spirit, strengthen my understanding, or support the person I am becoming?

Does it repeatedly leave me feeling diminished, agitated, hopeless, or disconnected from myself?

Listen honestly to the answers that may come.

Then take one small step. Change the music. Turn off the program. Step away from the conversation. Speak one kinder sentence to yourself. Spend a little more time with something that reminds you of beauty, possibility, steadiness, or joy.

The fire within us is shaped, in part, by what we continue to offer it.

May we learn to feed our souls with greater awareness.