Humble or Humility?

Not making ourselves smaller but seeing ourselves clearly.

I was with a friend and student of mine having breakfast catching up, one of my most favorite things to do. I do not remember what we were talking about that led her to say she has always loved how humble I am. I could feel my eyes drift downward and a bit of heat flow into my cheeks. I thanked her and then the conversation moved on. As I was sitting with my cup of coffee this morning, I was thinking about our conversation and that piece particularly. And of course, it got me exploring and searching for what that really meant to me. What did, being humble, trigger for me.

As I questioned myself and my reaction, was the saying being humble, a way that I did not have to stand in my power. Was it a way to downplay my abilities or was it a way of avoiding arrogance. I can define the meaning of the word; however, do I truly understand its meaning on a deeper level and where does humility come into play with all of this. And so, the journey began.

What I first discovered, and what I found interesting, was how the word was defined. Merriam-Webster defines humbleness as the quality or state of being humble: humility. The Cambridge Dictionary Online offers two definitions, the first being the good quality of not being proud or not believing that you are important, and the second, the fact of being poor or of low social rank.

And of course, I could not leave out a definition from ChatGPT, which describes humbleness as the quality of having a modest or low view of one's own importance; freedom from pride or arrogance, openness to others' perspectives, willingness to acknowledge limits and mistakes, and a readiness to learn or serve without seeking praise.

There is a lot here.

Now the word humility. Merriam-Webster defines humility as freedom from pride or arrogance: the quality or state of being humble. The Cambridge Dictionary Online offers two definitions. The first is the quality of not being proud because you are aware of your bad qualities, and the second is the feeling or attitude that you have no special importance that makes you better than others, a lack of pride.

Sitting with these definitions, I noticed where I felt a sense of resonance, and where I did not.

I began to see humbleness as more appearance based. Something that can act as a behavior, downplaying your gifts, perhaps even not feeling worthy.

Humility, on the other hand, felt more like an inner trait. An awareness of one’s gifts without it coming from ego or pride.

So how was I personally resonating to and using both words. Here is where we can ask deeper questions. Questions around the word humble.

• Do I downplay my gifts or achievements in front of others to avoid attention?

• Do I not have faith in the gifts I have?

• Do I expect anyone to notice or praise my modesty?

• Do I avoid the responsibility of my gifts?

• What does it really mean to me to be humble?

Questions around the word humility.

• Do I genuinely accept my strengths and my limits?

• Do I acknowledge my mistakes and learn from them without rationalizing them?

• Do I give credit to others even when no one is watching?

• Do I serve others without seeking recognition?

• Is my self-worth independent of praise, status, and outward validation?

I used the questions in the first list to become aware of areas where it may be appearance based (outward landscape) and the second group of questions to check if a self-trait (inner landscape).

What I came to understand is that neither word is good nor bad. They are layers upon each other, woven into the fabric of ourselves.

Humbleness may come from a low regard for self, or from insecurity, even when it carries a sense of modesty. It may limit how someone sees their own strengths and vulnerability. And in doing so, it can hinder growth by holding them back from taking risks. If being humble is an act of avoiding attention is that allowing one to have a healthy self-perception. I also realized that humbleness may prevent someone from acknowledging their gifts and achievements and accepting praise for them. It may feel uncomfortable to receive compliments and find it embarrassing, especially if they are behind the scenes type of person.

Humility comes from an understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses, an awareness and an acknowledgement of limitations. And within that, the possibility of a more resilient mindset, even in vulnerability. Humility moves beyond just outward performance and may move one more into the ability to listen and support other more. It may help self-expression while still noting the efforts of others. They easily accept compliments and do not mind being in the spotlight per say

Our growth as humans never truly stops if our goal is to strive to be the best person we can be. We are not the old versions of ourselves. We get to make mistakes and we get to learn.

And perhaps that is where humility truly lives. Not by making ourselves smaller, but by seeing ourselves clearly, and continuing to grow from there.

So now, I invite you to look at what these words mean to you.
Journey well.

Sage